Friday, May 30, 2014

Just a Few Thoughts from the past

Yes, these are older than dirt, much like me. They are, however, like all true things--still true. It gives us such a feeling of security to know the truth just doesn't move.

A few good thoughts with a little fun from the past

  • I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.
  • I changed my car horn to gun shot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.
  • You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably angry.
  • Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
  • You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
  • I don't like making plans for the day because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
  • I didn't make it to the gym again today. That makes five years in a row.
  • I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
  • Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers. If you find one, what's your plan?
That last one is my favorite, other than the one about a woman's mood and whether she's holding a gun because I made the mistake of teaching my sweetheart to shoot after we'd been married a while. She's pretty good. I'm afraid.

You might ask what I have to be afraid of. 

Simple. I'm a guy. That means I am an idiot. I do stupid things. Often. Some of them make my lovely bride a little "short" with me.

Okay, enough. I hope you enjoyed this one.

Yeah. Karl is me.